Rules of my life

  • Don’t propagate bullshit: There is very little you can do about the volume of meaningless shit that enters your life. Passing it on, engaging in it, or worse creating it however is always your choice. My definition of bullshit is anything which may or may not be truthful, but whose factuality is inconsequential. (Doesn’t matter if it is a true or false). The motivation rather is to invoke a certain perception or bring about a certain outcome. In other words bullshit is always manipulative.
  • Your life, your consequences, your choices: You are the only one who can experience your life. Everyone else at best can empathize, which means they can imagine what you are feeling, at worse they don’t care at all. Your life happens to you, their life happens to them. So if you are taking the hits, why let someone else determine how the game is played. Giving power to someone else is a choice, you can’t just avoid it. Consequence is as plain as the Sun, as inevitable as gravity.
  • Perception doesn’t alter reality, just your experience: Realize that you live in your head 98% of the time. You are constantly thinking about, analyzing, fantasizing, planning, interpreting, worrying, etc about what has happened or about to happen. The universe doesn’t care how your justify being yourself, kicking a boulder will still hurt. It is those precious moments when we can set our mental noise aside and be fully present that are truly precious. Oh and other people, same deal they live in their heads too.
  • Clever isn’t clever if you hide behind it: I use to use my cleverness as a shield to avoid anything that I didn’t want to deal with. I thought being clever made me better than everyone else and on the plus side I could avoid all the pain I was feeling. It was just one more reason I could feel self-righteous and push other people away. Just because you are cute, sexy, witty, clever, or smart doesn’t change your value. Nothing does, nothing can.
  • Never let fear be the only reason: The fundamental question of the masculine: Am I good enough? Can I survive this? The answer is almost always yes, whether you believe it or not. I learned through years of reflection that Fear is always the belief that whatever you are afraid of will KILL you. Get comfortable with fear, learn to honor it, but at the same time make sure that you are in control. If you decide to avoid something you are afraid of recognize that it is the decision not the fear that guides you.
  • Recognize, own, and carry your own shadow: Shadow is ANY part of your whole self you deny. You are such a complex being, composing everything any human being is capable of. Go look at the worst criminal and realize that you are that person, capable of the same malevolence, the same evil, but on the flip side you also equal to the noblest saint. You don’t have to act on it; you don’t have to identify with it. It just means that there is more to you than society has trained you to be. If you don’t accept your shadow it will come up in destructive ways in your life. Why do you think most marriages end in divorce?
  • Know the difference between emotion and action: Emotions are uncontrollable, you can try to suppress them, but you are really just suppressing the response to them. It is healthier to experience whatever is happening to you in that moment than try to control it. That may mean being user-unfriendly at times, getting raging pissed, or petty, or even so sad you could cry. It means being willing to risk comfort for honesty and deal with what is really happening. What you do with that energy is your choice, it is ALWAYS a choice.
  • You are not your khakis: You are alive, that means you are more than can be summed up by any words the brain can conceive. You are not anything anyone can use to describe you. The roles, the masks, the labels, the filters, the words that you accept as you DO NOT and CAN NOT adequately describe you. If you want to see who you really are go shut up, sit down, and breathe. Learn to discern the difference between the identity you have crawled into and your true self.
  • The answer to everything is compassion: Compassion… accepting reality as it is not as you would have it be. It is probably the hardest thing on the list. You have to be willing to surrender to the idea that you do not have the control you desire. You have to be willing to believe that there isn’t a perfect path out there devoid of pain. Compassion does not mean being passive, or meekly acquiescing to abuse. It means to see reality for what it is and not how you want to ‘fix’ it to be. It also means you can stop wasting energy fighting reality and make changes that will make you happier.
  • It all Matters, just none of it means anything: Everything has a consequence, everything and that includes emotions. I have learned that if you sit back and watch you see the thread. It is like watching dominos and you learn that you choose how to react to each one dropping as they fall. The trick is learning that all meaning is a human imposed thing. Judgement, analysis, fantasing, dreaming, hoping, etc those are all products of the mind. They don’t exist outside our context but we act like they have a life of their own. Whatever you feel or do or whatever thought pops into your mind is just what it is, not all the extra shit you add to it.

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